Lemons in Life

One hand was under the pillow and the other went snoozing the alarm , rushed for the shower and forgetting the towel outside as always , struggled in the traffic and now glued to the screen , taking innumerable calls with the oh so formal tone of -"ya tell me " and as the hour hand dates the number 6 Neer is dragging herself back home , looking at the TV screen with little enthusiasm , a little cribbing and some jocularity.The day has ended and the lights are off with a feeling of demanding change.She doses off to sleep and not knowing what she had asked for.

Neer was in her early twenties and kind of liked her work though at the back of her mind she always thought about being somewhere else or being something more rather than the clear sketch in front of her.Why not a painting full of colors which could laugh all the time.

Her boss calls her up and the next moment she is sitting in a tense room and the faces are gloomy.Its not you its the organisation which has failed everyone.It still amazes me why Neer was not upset?She sat quietly there and she had nothing to say.In the next moment some warm hugs were exchanged and she was walking out with her stuff in her back pack.Today the Metro station was not crowded as the office hours had not started and she came in an almost empty one.As she was coming out she bought herself a cream roll , it used to be her favorite childhood ,her father used to buy her one after every 10 on 10 score.May be she was missing him.

She sat on the stairs and her calmness intrigued me.For some time she scrolled through her contact list in her phone even when she knew whom she wanted to call up.He did not answer her phone , must have been busy in the office , sometimes we look for comfort and the kind of love we want from the same place where we gave it.It took her a lot of time to understand that though.She could not call her best friend as she had assumed they could not understand each other.She could not call her close friend because he had chosen his priorities.She could not call her mother as she was suffering from an unidentified health problem which kept her only in pain.She could not call her brother as he was in the hospital.Without her notice one tear rolled down her cheek from her right eye and then for some time everything was blurred.She looked at her watch and it was late.Picking up her bag she walked straight wondering whether she was lonely or alone.

We plan our lives , what for ? We invest our emotions in certain relations again for what? I don't have clear answers but I do know these questions surface when things fall apart ,when we expect a linear equation but an expression comes up , when the loop does not iterate as expected.

We will always make certain choices , our minds will run into numerous imaginations , we will run after broken dreams and yes life will fail us but we have to win it back , always . When life throws lemons at you make lemonade , pickles or a tart  , no one cares the essence is to use the lemon even when you know it is sour.

Neer started re-reading the books she had always loved , for hours she used to be with different kinds of Music , some days capturing life around and some days so engrossed in her cooking as if her first love.Many evenings she used to be lost in her own world lying of the carpet gazing at the moon through the only window in her room.She looks into the  mirror to find a beautiful woman as the girl bids her adieu.In Italian its called 'dolce far niente ' - the sweetness of doing nothing.She has a little saving and she keeps on wondering of buying a ticket and just leave from the back door into the wilderness to smell the roses , run on the sand , talking to strangers and eating what she craves for .

I don't know whether Neer bought that ticket or not but she did have a certain glow on her face , may be it was love of another kind as she embraced her inner happiness