Hope & Reasons

One night I cried and I cried some more , sometimes looking at the light coming from the doorway inside my room , sometimes looking at the busy road outside and at other times thinking why did I become a sad soul each passing day. I even remember a day when I did not fear death not because I did not want to live but the zest disappeared and I did not find any reason. We humans, we always want to cling to a reason. We always want something to hold on to. But this is what confuses me all the time –should I be the stubborn child asking the universe what I want or let it go ,all of it like the autumn leaves without any expectations of the spring.

Next day I met a close friend of mine and spilled the beans and poured my heart out in her warmth and yes the coffee did come later. I told her about my qualms and soaked my handkerchief again .I told her I see a bridge with a rainbow in the background but I don’t see where the bridge leads to , from where I stand my vision is clouded about what happens  when I across it and this uncertainty takes my toll each day. If I could only understand zero and one I would not step on it but we do feel and our deep intelligence tells us that even mathematics have exceptions but to know the probability of being that exception takes our peace away.

She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. She told me about a couple who wanted a child but the pregnancy was complicated, the doctors were not sure if they would be able to save the child and even if the child is born for how long it would survive , they had no answer to that , only time had. It was a tense moment; they had the happiness to bear a child but that that moment they did not know what the future holds. What they had was faith, a hope to see that smile of a new born, and the most painful period of nine months of complete dubiety. The child was born and the girl who lived was sitting with me, a little moist in the eyes herself. Maybe understanding Hope is not easy; it does not need a particular certainty or promise to hold on to, it does not come with a glossy picture of the future. It is independent, it is pure, and it is your earnest prayer.

Be the stubborn child, tell the universe what you want and then let go, because you have been heard .Alchemy is no gold, it is a belief and without belief nothing changes. We walked out of the café and my life did not change but I wanted to see things in a different way.