This piece of writing comes from an absolute boredom,
lonesomeness and loneliness and sometimes a mixture of all of these. Times when I
did not like taking calls, replying to messages and going out with people , yes
people are scary sometimes .They are bags of purging emotions , moods and something
to do with hormones and they look like burden to you , yes me myself included
in this slimy portrayal .And yes times when I waited for someone’s call , looked
for my phone a thousand times for just a small tiny message and waited for someone to hang out with but
they could not turn up because there were reasons , they were too tired , I lived
too far or lets drop euphemism , it was utter lack of interest. We do it all
the time and it happens all the time – two people wanting the same thing at the
same time happens rarely .Do we all live by convenience? And if not, are we counting
our sacrifices so that we burst out one day, to make the other one feel guilty?
Don’t think too much about the last line, we are altruist and
philanthropists too. We are the yin-yang of our destiny. Exploring our vices
and virtues each day , and that is burgeoning towards self growth , maturity I don’t
know , I really do not understand the word , it complicates my head.
What did I do on these days? Whatever I would share may
sound non sequitur. But we all go through this; even Da Vinci was not painting
Mona Lisa every day. I recollect myself listening to some old sad songs and
making a Diet plan for the month which I never followed. I visited Facebook
again and again and keeping the chat off, as if I wanted a view of a show without
being noticed. I went running for two hours and then just slept off. I thought of
making a new recipe and sadly could not find half of the ingredients in the
kitchen and ended up eating Maggie .I sat for mediation and thought of all the
flirty things I wanted to do .I wore my old dresses to check did I still fit in
them .I over indulged in high calorie foods to satisfy something which I could
not understand. I went through old mails and chats to remember how it used to
be like when thing had not changed. I over analyzed everything , and laughed too much on something really ridiculous
and that was me at some point of time and also shed off a lot of tears just feeling miserable without any objectivity
and neither was subjectivity in place that time.
Honestly I did not do anything productive. But I also wrote
this blog on one of those days and I also remembered meeting a harridan in her
sweetness telling me that in life whatever you do be convinced by yourself first,
trust it completely and then go ahead just like either you eat a salad or a
Biryani because half cooked meal neither gives taste to you nor any praise to
the cook .
