Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Vacuous Vagary

This piece of writing comes from an absolute boredom, lonesomeness and loneliness and sometimes a mixture of all of these. Times when I did not like taking calls, replying to messages and going out with people , yes people are scary sometimes .They are bags of purging emotions , moods and something to do with hormones and they look like burden to you , yes me myself included in this slimy portrayal .And yes times when I waited for someone’s call , looked for my phone a thousand times for just a small tiny message  and waited for someone to hang out with but they could not turn up because there were reasons , they were too tired , I lived too far or lets drop euphemism , it was utter lack of interest. We do it all the time and it happens all the time – two people wanting the same thing at the same time happens rarely .Do we all live by convenience? And if not, are we counting our sacrifices so that we burst out one day, to make the other one feel guilty?

Don’t think too much about the last line, we are altruist and philanthropists too. We are the yin-yang of our destiny. Exploring our vices and virtues each day , and that is burgeoning towards self growth , maturity I don’t know , I really do not understand the word , it complicates my head.

What did I do on these days? Whatever I would share may sound non sequitur. But we all go through this; even Da Vinci was not painting Mona Lisa every day. I recollect myself listening to some old sad songs and making a Diet plan for the month which I never followed. I visited Facebook again and again and keeping the chat off, as if I wanted a view of a show without being noticed. I went running for two hours and then just slept off. I thought of making a new recipe and sadly could not find half of the ingredients in the kitchen and ended up eating Maggie .I sat for mediation and thought of all the flirty things I wanted to do .I wore my old dresses to check did I still fit in them .I over indulged in high calorie foods to satisfy something which I could not understand. I went through old mails and chats to remember how it used to be like when thing had not changed. I over analyzed everything  , and laughed too much on something really ridiculous and that was me at some point of time and also shed off a lot of tears  just feeling miserable without any objectivity and neither was subjectivity in place that time.

Honestly I did not do anything productive. But I also wrote this blog on one of those days and I also remembered meeting a harridan in her sweetness telling me that in life whatever you do be convinced by yourself first, trust it completely and then go ahead just like either you eat a salad or a Biryani because half cooked meal neither gives taste to you nor any praise to the cook .



2 comments:

  1. Himani.. It is as beautiful as always.. But with the understanding of deep lull.. I need to discuss more on it.. But I am deliberately off Facebook and will for quite sometime.. I need you to call me as soon as you can please, as I have lost all numbers.. +91-8558878052 .. Akash

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